Remembering One Year Ago {Part 5}

*To respect Ava's privacy and the privacy of her sweet birthmother, specific details of her 'story' will be limited* 

Meeting Baby Ava

   We finally got the call that Ava had arrived! Our poor birthmother, in labor for almost 2 full days! I was so proud of her though, she was a rockstar in l&d. And our little Ava was perfect ~ all 7lbs 11.5oz of her! :)

   Our sweet caseworker had literally been working around the clock for the past several days. When she called to tell us Ava had been born, she told us she was going to sleep for 2 hours then meet us at the hospital but that we were welcome to go anytime. Of course, we couldn't wait a minute longer, so we grabbed a quick breakfast and off we went!! (And, by the time we got to the hospital, our caseworker was there also. Have I mentioned how wonderful our caseworkers were?! They were simply the best!)

Sunrise the day Ava was born

    When we arrived at the hospital, after checking in we were told that our baby was in the nursery, and that "Heather was taking care of your baby - giving her a bath, etc" and we would be given a room soon...short on sleep and full of excitement to meet our baby, this comment caught me by surprise. The nurse said it like we were supposed to know who Heather was. I immediately thought of my sister, Heather. It was very special to think of "Heather" taking care of our baby! Later, we got to meet Nurse Heather. Turns out, she was the Nurse Manager, and she never does this particular job anymore, but was today because she was filling in for someone who called out sick. We told her about Ava's auntie Heather, and how special it was that she was caring for our Ava that morning. Tearfully, she said she would never forget our story, and we assured her we wouldn't forget her either!

Last picture as a family of 2!

    Here we are, meeting baby Ava for the first time. The feeling of meeting your baby for the first time is surreal!! Love at first sight!!

   The next day and a half was spent cuddling and loving on Ava. We were thankful to have a private room at the hospital. Really, it was perfect timing - they had just renovated the NICU, so we got the "old" NICU room all to ourselves! The nursing staff was absolutely one the kindest group of nurses I've ever met.

   We left the hospital Sunday after we got the "ok" to go by the pediatrician on call. We arrived home to find that my family had come over earlier that day and decorated our home with balloons, flowers, and baby gifts! Miss Ava had a warm welcome by all (including the boys)!! Later that afternoon we had several visitors to meet Miss Ava Kate!

Our first family picture at home (HannahSwede Photography)

Ava resting after arriving home (HannahSwede Photography)

At Home with Baby Ava

     Since Ava was born in GA, the adoption laws (simplified) go like this: the birthmother can sign her rights over 24 hours after the birth of the child, then has a 10-day revocation window in which she can essentially change her mind. This "waiting period" is much shorter in some states (some are only 24 hours, and some immediately after signing) and much longer in others (up to 30 days). 10 days can seem like a long time to "know for sure" this baby is yours. Sometimes, "cradle care" is used in an effort to avoid the adoptive parents getting attached to a baby that in the end may go back to the birth family.

     So! For 10 days after Ava's birthmother signed, we were asked almost daily, and sometimes hourly, if we had any doubt that her birthmother would change her mind and decide to parent. I know for a fact that there were friends and family who feared, worried, wondered, and prayed about this. However...not once did I fear, worry, or doubt about her changing her mind. I knew in my heart the outcome. I had much peace that Baby Ava was ours. I remember being asked one day, "How many more days??"...to which I replied honestly, "for what?" I simply hadn't even thought about the countdown. It is amazing the power of peace.

   I plan to do a post some day on Things I Learned from Adoption, but I'll share one thing now. By far, the hardest part of Ava's adoption was the realization that our greatest joy was her birthmother's greatest loss. For some reason, this never hit me until after we met our birthmother, and was even stronger after Ava was born. Maybe it became more real having a face, name, and story with "birthmother". After Ava was born, I remember late night/early morning feedings holding her and just sobbing -- imaging what her birthmother must be feeling, wondering how she was doing, and wishing I could over and over thank her for choosing us. Every time I looked at Ava, I saw her birthmother in her and it literally made my heart hurt. For the first few months, and even to this day, I occasionally check on her. She's one of the bravest and strongest women I know, and I hope she realizes that. What a wonderful gift she gave us!!!

   Again, thank you all for your love and support for us, Ava, and her adoption!

Remembering One Year Ago {Part 4}

   Waiting for Baby Ava 

   Not able to get much sleep, we woke up early and got the boys (our boxers) ready to go to Camp. Then, we headed to the hospital! The latest update at this point was still no baby, and labor had subsided. Doctors wanted to induce if nothing started to progress again soon. Tim suggested we go shopping (yes, I checked to be sure he didn't have a fever! ha!) and not get to the hospital too soon. I was dying to get there, but decided he was right.

   Side note: as we were shopping, I got a call from our dog's Camp saying that one of our dogs' rabies shots had expired the day before and he couldn't stay at Camp (agh!). I explained our situation and asked if they had an in-house vet or knew of a mobile vet who could come and give him this shot. Long story short, we ended up meeting our current vet because of his kindness on a Friday afternoon to come to our rescue! :) I jokingly told him later he will forever be a part of Ava's adoption story! :)

    I couldn't wait any longer to get to the hospital, and although she still wasn't progressing much, we decided to go. Anddddd, we waited. And waited. And waiiiited. I can't even remember how many families we saw come and go in the waiting room.

    We went in to talk to her and see how she was doing. Talk about tough woman! She wouldn't even flinch as a contraction would come (looking at the spikes on the monitor made me shudder)! What I thought would be a brief visit, turned into a few hours. She didn't feel like the baby would be coming anytime immediately, so she gave us suggestions of her favorite restaurants in town to go and eat. We agreed that we should go check in to our hotel and get some dinner, then would be back. Hopefully by THEN there would be some news. :)

   During our visit, we showed Ava's birthmother pictures of Ava's newly finished nursery. She asked us what we had decided on a middle name. We told her we had narrowed it down to two names but would wait until we met baby to decide. She asked us what the two options were and we told her, and their significance to us. Her eyes welled up with tears as she explained that "Ava Kate" was the name she had had in mind for this baby all along. Talk about settled! We don't feel like Ava's name is any consequence...

    We came back to the hospital and again, waited. Around 12am, doctors had decided she didn't need to be induced because she was starting to progress again on her own. But, they still thought it would be some time before baby arrived. They suggested we go and get some rest and they would call when baby was near.

To be continued...

Remembering One Year Ago {Part 3}

*To respect Ava's privacy and the privacy of her sweet birthmother, specific details of her 'story' will be limited* 

Preparing and Waiting for Baby Ava

    Leaving our meeting, we decided it might be wise to go ahead and pick up a crib and start getting our nursery ready! :) The next 11 days were a whirlwind. I was busy at work finishing up tax season and payroll reporting. Evenings were spent getting our nursery ready- painting, setting up the crib, gathering necessary baby items, and packing for our hospital visit as we anxiously awaited Ava's arrival. They say that adoptive parents go through "nesting" too, and I can wholeheartedly agree!!

   Exactly 11 days from the time we met Ava's birthmother, I had run to the hardware store to pick up a lawn mower belt that evening when I got a phone call from our case worker. Ava's birthmother had been admitted to the hospital!! She was in active labor, but the doctors didn't think baby would come anytime real soon. Our case worker suggested we get a good night's sleep and just drive over the next morning. How could we sleep!?! :) I rushed home and finished our last minute packing, and made phone calls to family and friends. The landscaping could wait!!! (ha!)

To be continued...

Remembering One Year Ago {Part 2}

*To respect Ava's privacy and the privacy of her sweet birthmother, specific details of her 'story' will be limited* 

Meeting Ava's Birthmother 

   It felt like forever, but Sunday afternoon finally did come! :) Not sure about Sunday road construction plans and not wanting to be late for our appointment, we left earlier than necessary (for those of you who know me well, this should not surprise you ;) ). Since we arrived early, we decided to do some quick 'window shopping' at the nearby Target before our appointment -- looking at all things PINK! :)

   Finally the time came to meet Ava's birthmother. I remember saying to Tim before we got out of the car, "I feel like she's the one!" This is where adoption is difficult (the paperwork was a breeze!) -- reality sets in. You are super excited (and nervous!) to meet a birthmother, but at the same time, you can't help but think of what she's really doing -- she's choosing parents for the baby she is carrying!! It's very tough to be excited about what could be your baby (in a few short weeks!), while also realizing that if it is, that same baby will be her greatest loss. I've often referred to adoption as a "joy and sorrow interwoven" experience for this reason.

   I've heard that the first time you meet someone special, it's hard to forget. I agree, and in this case, it was also an experience I can hardly put into words. I hope I never forget what it was like to finally meet Ava's birthmother for the first time. She greeted us with smiles and hugs! And her adorable baby bump...!

   At this point, she had 'chosen' us, not by anything officially binding, but in her heart. I remember early in the conversation, she told us that. We chatted for a couple hours; she shared pictures and videos of her family, and offered us an ultrasound picture of Ava. We discussed baby names, nursery colors, our families and close friends, interests and hobbies, beliefs and values, favorite vacations, how we chose adoption, her pregnancy, jobs, education, hopes and dreams, and childhood memories. We really "clicked"! I felt like we could be great friends!!

   Some people have asked about Ava's name. So, let me back up. In our conversation about baby names, Ava's birthmother asked if she could have some input in that. At this point in our adoption journey, we had been told that since we weren't gender specific (meaning we didn't have a preference of baby's gender), we would most likely have a boy. They seemed to be outnumbering the girls during that time! ;) So, we had, at least mentally, prepared for all things BLUE -- including a name. :) However, we had not settled on a girl's name. When she asked if we liked the name "Ava", we both excitedly agreed that we did (and thanks for helping us narrow down our list!!). :) And, how very special to share with Ava some day!! As for the middle name, we had less than 3 weeks to figure that out. ;) --more about this later--

  As our meeting drew to a close, the decision whether we would officially "match" felt very clear to me.  I felt very much at peace that this was a "match". This is another time when adoption can be difficult. We had been told that nothing is a "sealed deal" until everything is signed and official. I wanted to respect her decision and felt like giving her some additional time  (she had just met us, after all!) might help her also be at peace with whatever decision she made. However, as we were saying our goodbyes, she hugged me and said, "I still choose ya'll. I know you will be great parents!"... those words resinate in my mind still today. From that moment on, I never had any doubt about her changing her mind about placing the baby or choosing us for the parents. I feel like only God could've given this measure of peace. --more about this later--
 
  The wait for Ava's arrival began...

Remembering One Year Ago {Part 1}

*To respect Ava's privacy and the privacy of her sweet birthmother, specific details of her 'story' will be limited* 

   It was on this day, one year ago, that we first learned of Ava's birthmother. There is not a day since that I haven't thought about and prayed for her. I hope I never forget all the details to Ava's 'story'. I plan to share a few as we remember these "April Days". :)

Learning about Ava's Birthmother

   Since our home study had completed in February, we had presented to a couple birthmothers and had several situations presented to us, but hadn't felt a "match" with them. One year ago today, much like today, we were both at work; I was busy preparing tax extensions before the 4/15 deadline and Tim's calendar was full of meetings. It was around lunchtime that Thursday I received a voicemail from one of our case workers and then a few moments later, an email from our other case worker, asking me to call her.  I felt an urgency in their messages, so I remember contacting Tim quick to see if we could meet for lunch to discuss this prospective birthmother, although, I had very few details at this point.

   Thankfully, Tim was able to meet me for lunch. On the way, I called our case worker to get as much information as she had available. I remember the conversation pretty vividly. After explaining the details she had (gender of baby, location, etc), she paused and said, "There's one kicker..." My heart sank, but I replied "What is that??"... "Well, she's due SOON. Like real soon." I laughed, and said "How soon??" She said "3 weeks. Is that too soon?" Of course not!! Although we had only been 'home study ready' for less than 2 months, our desire to be parents was much longer than that. The sooner the better, as far as we were concerned!! :)

   Tim and I talked over lunch and decided we would agree to meet the birthmother. Since she was due so soon, she was anxious to meet us. So, we arranged for that Sunday afternoon.

  To be continued...